Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
