My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize