I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
