I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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