I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
