i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
