Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I will pee on everything he values.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
