OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
