saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
