omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
