so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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