Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
