then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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