Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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