so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
