I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
