dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
