some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize