My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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