But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
