omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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