I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
