and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
