If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
