Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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