I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
