I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
