I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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