You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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