he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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