she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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