i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you win again, gameday.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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