i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
