i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
