Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
