Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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