Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize