Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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