Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
