filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize