And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
