god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is not my ceiling
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
