hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
