Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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