do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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