I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
