its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
