i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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