You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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