she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
