there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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