I'm gonna have a badass scar
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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