Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize