CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
