his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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