I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
