I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I understand Curling. That high.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You ruined the universe
Randomize