I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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