Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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