i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Everything about him screamed your future.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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