i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
