K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
