when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
