It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
