I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize