i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
