I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
