I wish I only lived at night.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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