If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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