Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
