I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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