It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
