Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
