How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
