Sry I called you an 8
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
