never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
