dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
