i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize