I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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