Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
