They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize