At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
