You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
