Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
