Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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