3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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