all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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