I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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