So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
