She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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