I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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