oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
