I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
