Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need a beard to bite.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
