I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
