too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
