Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
