Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
