My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize