Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
