I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
