Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
