Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
