I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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