just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
