I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
