Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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