6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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