Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
