fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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