I wanna bring you to show and tell
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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