i think my tv is drunk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
