Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
