wakey wakey hands off snakey
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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