Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
