Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
