I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
